On January 9, 2004 over a cup of tea, and several hours of talking about goals, dreams, and a love of shopping, my first date with Ian ended with a promise of a second. Little did I know that ten years later we’d be married, and I’d be writing this post, but I’m so grateful that I am!
In a previous post, I discussed that change can be constant, or it can blow you away in an instant. This was a blow you away in an instant, kind of date. As we sat at the counter of a funky Santa Cruz coffee shop, I was intrigued, impressed, and could tell this man was going places. But more importantly, at the end of the date, what I was left with was a positive feeling – I felt inspired.
Ever since I was a young, I’ve always had very ambitious goals, and pushed myself incredibly hard to achieve them. At the time, most of the goals and dreams I had for my future I kept to myself, as typically people would respond with laughter, “good luck with that,” “why that’s awfully ambitious,” or by simply stating, “that’s not possible”. However, when Ian opened up about his goals, and as he spoke, I for the first time, felt comfortable, not only sharing my deepest goals, but sharing them with a relative stranger. Ian’s reaction was positive, he asked questions, wanted to learn more, and offered encouragement. This first date, set the tone for our future relationship.
Sheryl Sandberg has been quoted as saying, “the most important career decision women make is whom they decide to marry.” And Sandberg explains in Lean In, that having a supportive spouse, a real partner, will play a huge part in your success. I could not agree with this more! I am so incredibly grateful to have a husband that believes in me, challenges me, and inspires me to be a better person each and every day. In a relationship the little things are the big things. Things like installing WordPress plugins for this blog, washing the cups of my Bullet Blender, for my morning protein shakes, and sharing silly news articles, mean everything to me.
I once read that the sign of a true partner is not someone who will be there for you when you’re down, but rather it’s someone who will be there for you when you’re successful. It’s far easier to find someone who will pat you on the shoulder, and say it’s ok, better luck next time, than to find someone who will be there for you when you flourish, when you reach an important milestone. And, I think even harder to find someone who genuinely wants you to achieve the same or greater level of success than they have.
Over the past ten years, I’ve seen Ian accomplish many incredible things, both professionally and personally. I am tremendously proud to be married to someone whose level of intelligence and work ethic, are equally matched by the size of his heart, and level of integrity. Seeing Ian’s success, along with the encouragement and advice he provides has helped me improve both personally and professionally. Ian and I cheer each other on, and encourage one another to grow, and to be the best versions of ourselves. And, together we are better than apart.
Ian forever changed my life, and I can never fully express how much he means to me. But I can say, Happy 10 Year Anniversary!
This wouldn’t be my blog without offering a few tips. Since I completely agree with Sheryl Sandberg that the biggest career decision you make is whom you choose as your life partner, I would like to offer some suggestions. If you’re single and would like a bit of advice, please read on. I believe if you want something, whether it’s to lose weight, learn to ski, or find the man or women of your dreams, it takes effort. I would suggest the following:
- Think about the type of person you’d like to meet (the important things, not just their looks), qualities like their views on family, work, etc.
- Spend a few hours each week putting yourself in places where you will meet people, while also doing something you enjoy (such as an outdoor Meetup group, a spiritual singles mixer, sports bar with single friends, etc.)
- Look for outside of the box opportunities to meet the types of people you’re looking for. Are you looking to meet a business professional who works in the same area as you? Why not strike up a conversation with someone at Specialty’s while you wait for your lunch?
- Don’t waste your time on people that you know are wrong for you. Meg Jay, gives a really enlightening Ted Talk on the subject.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself, just because you’re single today, does not mean you won’t meet your perfect partner tomorrow.
In closing, I am so grateful to have Ian in my life, he inspires me, and challenges to be a better person every single day. If you have that person in your life, don’t forget to tell them how much they mean to you.